ecently, some #dog friends of mine brought it to my attention that the #pope made a statement to the effect ‘Yes, it’s true, all Dogs do indeed go to #Heaven‘. My initial reaction to this was ‘duh’, of course #all dogs go to heaven. As a species, were some of the most lovable, loyal, dependable creatures ever to walk the face of the earth. Who doesn’t love Dogs? People that hate life, that’s who.
Yes, it’s true, in general, All Dogs Go to Heaven
Then I got to thinking about it a little more and after much pontification (get it? pontification), I can assure you that all Dogs do not in fact go to heaven. There’s no way that little yappy dog down the street will be sharing that rest of eternity with me. Then there’s the Dogs that are just plain mean. You pass them on the street as they’re walking with their human and out of nowhere they lunge at you barking and baring their teeth. I can take care of myself so I’m not concerned that they’ll hurt me, but there’s certainly no place for bullies in heaven.
And why is this such a big news story in the first place? #Disney figured this out in the late 80s with their pretty disturbing movie, All Dogs Go to Heaven. I’m not a fan of Disney in any way (I’m looking at you Dog with a Blog!). Even though the plot of this movie is crappy, it is a family classic and it did embed the idea that all Dogs go to heaven in popular culture, so I have to give them credit for that. I guess that’s why All Dogs go to Heaven only has 6.6 out of 10 rating on IMBD. That’s extremely low for a story about an animal that is as universally beloved as Dogs. I could have pooped out a better story than that. (Call me Disney. I have many Dog related stories! Way better than that ‘Dog with a Blog’ garbage. I’ll address that crappy show in another post.)
For a more in depth discussion about what’s wrong with All Dogs Go to Heaven, check out:
Pope Francis, who I generally approve of as far as Popes go, seems to be a pretty cool Human. He has given hope to gays, unmarried couples and advocates of the Big Bang theory. I was thrilled when I heard the story that the Pope said that all dogs go to heaven.
However, the real kicker came when I learned that this whole story was in fact a hoax and the pope never said all Dogs go to heaven. To confuse things even further, apparently the quote was taken from 2 popes back, John Paul II. In 1990, Pope John Paul II said animals have souls. Good for him. But just in case you weren’t confused enough, his successor, Pope Benedict, XVI, said the opposite in a 2008 sermon. Nobody really liked that pope though anyway.
All of this nonsense serves to illustrate my point, you can’t trust a religion that doesn’t let non-humans into heaven. Assuming they not ‘yappy Dogs’ or ‘Dog bullies’ of course.